Men can do nothing without the make-believe of a beginning.
Even science, the strict measurer, is obliged to start with a
make-believe unit, and must fix on a point in the stars' unceasing
journey when his sidereal clock shall pretend that time is at
Nought. His less accurate grandmother Poetry has always been
understood to start in the middle; but on reflection it appears
that her proceeding is not very different from his; since Science,
too, reckons backward as well as forward, divides his unit into
billions, and with his clock-finger at Nought really sets
off in medias res . No
retrospect will take us to the true beginning; and whether our
prologue be in heaven or on earth, it is but a fraction of that
all-presupposing fact with which our story sets out.
Was she beautiful or not beautiful? and what was the secret
of form or expression which gave the dynamic quality to her glance?
Was the good or the evil genius dominant in those beams? Probably
the evil; else why was the effect that of unrest rather than of
undisturbed charm? Why was the wish to look again felt as coercion
and not as a longing in which the whole being
consents?
She who raised these questions in Daniel Deronda's mind was
occupied in gambling: not in the open air under a southern sky,
tossing coppers on a ruined wall, with rags about her limbs; but in
one of those splendid resorts which the enlightenment of ages has
prepared for the same species of pleasure at a heavy cost of gilt
mouldings, dark-toned color and chubby nudities, all
correspondingly heavy—forming a suitable condenser for human breath
belonging, in great part, to the highest fashion, and not easily
procurable to be breathed in elsewhere in the like proportion, at
least by persons of little fashion.
It was near four o'clock on a September day, so that the
atmosphere was well-brewed to a visible haze. There was deep
stillness, broken only by a light rattle, a light chink, a small
sweeping sound, and an occasional monotone in French, such as might
be expected to issue from an ingeniously constructed automaton.
Round two long tables were gathered two serried crowds of human
beings, all save one having their faces and attention bent on the
tables. The one exception was a melancholy little boy, with his
knees and calves simply in their natural clothing of epidermis, but
for the rest of his person in a fancy dress. He alone had his face
turned toward the doorway, and fixing on it the blank gaze of a
bedizened child stationed as a masquerading advertisement on the
platform of an itinerant show, stood close behind a lady deeply
engaged at the roulette-table.
About this table fifty or sixty persons were assembled, many
in the outer rows, where there was occasionally a deposit of
new-comers, being mere spectators, only that one of them, usually a
woman, might now and then be observed putting down a five-franc
with a simpering air, just to see what the passion of gambling
really was. Those who were taking their pleasure at a higher
strength, and were absorbed in play, showed very distant varieties
of European type: Livonian and Spanish, Graeco-Italian and
miscellaneous German, English aristocratic and English plebeian.
Here certainly was a striking admission of human equality. The
white bejewelled fingers of an English countess were very near
touching a bony, yellow, crab-like hand stretching a bared wrist to
clutch a heap of coin—a hand easy to sort with the square, gaunt
face, deep-set eyes, grizzled eyebrows, and ill-combed scanty hair
which seemed a slight metamorphosis of the vulture. And where else
would her ladyship have graciously consented to sit by that
dry-lipped feminine figure prematurely old, withered after short
bloom like her artificial flowers, holding a shabby velvet reticule
before her, and occasionally putting in her mouth the point with
which she pricked her card? There too, very near the fair countess,
was a respectable London tradesman, blonde and soft-handed, his
sleek hair scrupulously parted behind and before, conscious of
circulars addressed to the nobility and gentry, whose distinguished
patronage enabled him to take his holidays fashionably, and to a
certain extent in their distinguished company. Not his the
gambler's passion that nullifies appetite, but a well-fed leisure,
which, in the intervals of winning money in business and spending
it showily, sees no better resource than winning money in play and
spending it yet more showily—reflecting always that Providence had
never manifested any disapprobation of his amusement, and
dispassionate enough to leave off if the sweetness of winning much
and seeing others lose had turned to the sourness of losing much
and seeing others win. For the vice of gambling lay in losing money
at it. In his bearing there might be something of the tradesman,
but in his pleasures he was fit to rank with the owners of the
oldest titles. Standing close to his chair was a handsome Italian,
calm, statuesque, reaching across him to place the first pile of
napoleons from a new bagful just brought him by an envoy with a
scrolled mustache. The pile was in half a minute pushed over to an
old bewigged woman with eye-glasses pinching her nose. There was a
slight gleam, a faint mumbling smile about the lips of the old
woman; but the statuesque Italian remained impassive, and—probably
secure in an infallible system which placed his foot on the neck of
chance—immediately prepared a new pile. So did a man with the air
of an emaciated beau or worn-out libertine, who looked at life
through one eye-glass, and held out his hand tremulously when he
asked for change. It could surely be no severity of system, but
rather some dream of white crows, or the induction that the eighth
of the month was lucky, which inspired the fierce yet tottering
impulsiveness of his play.
But, while every single player differed markedly from every
other, there was a certain uniform negativeness of expression which
had the effect of a mask—as if they had all eaten of some root that
for the time compelled the brains of each to the same narrow
monotony of action.
Deronda's first thought when his eyes fell on this scene of
dull, gas-poisoned absorption, was that the gambling of Spanish
shepherd-boys had seemed to him more enviable:—so far Rousseau
might be justified in maintaining that art and science had done a
poor service to mankind. But suddenly he felt the moment become
dramatic. His attention was arrested by a young lady who, standing
at an angle not far from him, was the last to whom his eyes
traveled. She was bending and speaking English to a middle-aged
lady seated at play beside her: but the next instant she returned
to her play, and showed the full height of a graceful figure, with
a face which might possibly be looked at without admiration, but
could hardly be passed with indifference.
The inward debate which she raised in Deronda gave to his
eyes a growing expression of scrutiny, tending farther and farther
away from the glow of mingled undefined sensibilities forming
admiration. At one moment they followed the movements of the
figure, of the arms and hands, as this problematic sylph bent
forward to deposit her stake with an air of firm choice; and the
next they returned to the face which, at present unaffected by
beholders, was directed steadily toward the game. The sylph was a
winner; and as her taper fingers, delicately gloved in pale-gray,
were adjusting the coins which had been pushed toward her in order
to pass them back again to the winning point, she looked round her
with a survey too markedly cold and neutral not to have in it a
little of that nature which we call art concealing an inward
exultation.
But in the course of that survey her eyes met Deronda's, and
instead of averting them as she would have desired to do, she was
unpleasantly conscious that they were arrested—how long? The
darting sense that he was measuring her and looking down on her as
an inferior, that he was of different quality from the human dross
around her, that he felt himself in a region outside and above her,
and was examining her as a specimen of a lower order, roused a
tingling resentment which stretched the moment with conflict. It
did not bring the blood to her cheeks, but it sent it away from her
lips. She controlled herself by the help of an inward defiance, and
without other sign of emotion than this lip-paleness turned to her
play. But Deronda's gaze seemed to have acted as an evil eye. Her
stake was gone. No matter; she had been winning ever since she took
to roulette with a few napoleons at command, and had a considerable
reserve. She had begun to believe in her luck, others had begun to
believe in it: she had visions of being followed by a
cortège who would worship her as a
goddess of luck and watch her play as a directing augury. Such
things had been known of male gamblers; why should not a woman have
a like supremacy? Her friend and chaperon who had not wished her to
play at first was beginning to approve, only administering the
prudent advice to stop at the right moment and carry money back to
England—advice to which Gwendolen had replied that she cared for
the excitement of play, not the winnings. On that supposition the
present moment ought to have made the flood-tide in her eager
experience of gambling. Yet, when her next stake was swept away,
she felt the orbits of her eyes getting hot, and the certainty she
had (without looking) of that man still watching her was something
like a pressure which begins to be torturing. The more reason to
her why she should not flinch, but go on playing as if she were
indifferent to loss or gain. Her friend touched her elbow and
proposed that they should quit the table. For reply Gwendolen put
ten louis on the same spot: she was in that mood of defiance in
which the mind loses sight of any end beyond the satisfaction of
enraged resistance; and with the puerile stupidity of a dominant
impulse includes luck among its objects of defiance. Since she was
not winning strikingly, the next best thing was to lose strikingly.
She controlled her muscles, and showed no tremor of mouth or hands.
Each time her stake was swept off she doubled it. Many were now
watching her, but the sole observation she was conscious of was
Deronda's, who, though she never looked toward him, she was sure
had not moved away. Such a drama takes no long while to play out:
development and catastrophe can often be measured by nothing
clumsier than the moment-hand. "Faites votre jeu, mesdames et
messieurs," said the automatic voice of destiny from between the
mustache and imperial of the croupier: and Gwendolen's arm was
stretched to deposit her last poor heap of napoleons. "Le jeu ne va
plus," said destiny. And in five seconds Gwendolen turned from the
table, but turned resolutely with her face toward Deronda and
looked at him. There was a smile of irony in his eyes as their
glances met; but it was at least better that he should have kept
his attention fixed on her than that he disregarded her as one of
an insect swarm who had no individual physiognomy. Besides, in
spite of his superciliousness and irony, it was difficult to
believe that he did not admire her spirit as well as her person: he
was young, handsome, distinguished in appearance—not one of these
ridiculous and dowdy Philistines who thought it incumbent on them
to blight the gaming-table with a sour look of protest as they
passed by it. The general conviction that we are admirable does not
easily give way before a single negative; rather when any of
Vanity's large family, male or female, find their performance
received coldly, they are apt to believe that a little more of it
will win over the unaccountable dissident. In Gwendolen's habits of
mind it had been taken for granted that she knew what was admirable
and that she herself was admired. This basis of her thinking had
received a disagreeable concussion, and reeled a little, but was
not easily to be overthrown.
In the evening the same room was more stiflingly heated, was
brilliant with gas and with the costumes of ladies who floated
their trains along it or were seated on the ottomans.
The Nereid in sea-green robes and silver ornaments, with a
pale sea-green feather fastened in silver falling backward over her
green hat and light brown hair, was Gwendolen Harleth. She was
under the wing, or rather soared by the shoulder, of the lady who
had sat by her at the roulette-table; and with them was a gentleman
with a white mustache and clipped hair: solid-browed, stiff and
German. They were walking about or standing to chat with
acquaintances, and Gwendolen was much observed by the seated
groups.
"A striking girl—that Miss Harleth—unlike
others."
"Yes, she has got herself up as a sort of serpent now—all
green and silver, and winds her neck about a little more than
usual."
"Oh, she must always be doing something extraordinary. She is
that kind of girl, I fancy. Do you think her pretty, Mr.
Vandernoodt?"
"Very. A man might risk hanging for her—I mean a fool
might."
"You like a nez retroussé
, then, and long narrow eyes?"
"When they go with such an
ensemble ."
"The ensemble du serpent
?"
"If you will. Woman was tempted by a serpent; why not
man?"
"She is certainly very graceful; but she wants a tinge of
color in her cheeks. It is a sort of Lamia beauty she
has."
"On the contrary, I think her complexion one of her chief
charms. It is a warm paleness; it looks thoroughly healthy. And
that delicate nose with its gradual little upward curve is
distracting. And then her mouth—there never was a prettier mouth,
the lips curled backward so finely, eh, Mackworth?"
"Think so? I cannot endure that sort of mouth. It looks so
self-complacent, as if it knew its own beauty—the curves are too
immovable. I like a mouth that trembles more."
"For my part, I think her odious," said a dowager. "It is
wonderful what unpleasant girls get into vogue. Who are these
Langens? Does anybody know them?"
"They are quite comme il faut
. I have dined with them several times at the
Russie . The baroness is English. Miss
Harleth calls her cousin. The girl herself is thoroughly well-bred,
and as clever as possible."
"Dear me! and the baron?".
"A very good furniture picture."
"Your baroness is always at the roulette-table," said
Mackworth. "I fancy she has taught the girl to
gamble."
"Oh, the old woman plays a very sober game; drops a ten-franc
piece here and there. The girl is more headlong. But it is only a
freak."
"I hear she has lost all her winnings to-day. Are they rich?
Who knows?"
"Ah, who knows? Who knows that about anybody?" said Mr.
Vandernoodt, moving off to join the Langens.
The remark that Gwendolen wound her neck about more than
usual this evening was true. But it was not that she might carry
out the serpent idea more completely: it was that she watched for
any chance of seeing Deronda, so that she might inquire about this
stranger, under whose measuring gaze she was still wincing. At last
her opportunity came.
"Mr. Vandernoodt, you know everybody," said Gwendolen, not
too eagerly, rather with a certain languor of utterance which she
sometimes gave to her clear soprano. "Who is that near the
door?"
"There are half a dozen near the door. Do you mean that old
Adonis in the George the Fourth wig?"
"No, no; the dark-haired young man on the right with the
dreadful expression."
"Dreadful, do you call it? I think he is an uncommonly fine
fellow."
"But who is he?"
"He is lately come to our hotel with Sir Hugo
Mallinger."
"Sir Hugo Mallinger?"
"Yes. Do you know him?"
"No." (Gwendolen colored slightly.) "He has a place near us,
but he never comes to it. What did you say was the name of that
gentleman near the door?"
"Deronda—Mr. Deronda."
"What a delightful name! Is he an Englishman?"
"Yes. He is reported to be rather closely related to the
baronet. You are interested in him?"
"Yes. I think he is not like young men in
general."
"And you don't admire young men in general?"
"Not in the least. I always know what they will say. I can't
at all guess what this Mr. Deronda would say. What
does he say?"
"Nothing, chiefly. I sat with his party for a good hour last
night on the terrace, and he never spoke—and was not smoking
either. He looked bored."
"Another reason why I should like to know him. I am always
bored."
"I should think he would be charmed to have an introduction.
Shall I bring it about? Will you allow it, baroness?"
"Why not?—since he is related to Sir Hugo Mallinger. It is a
new rôle of yours, Gwendolen, to
be always bored," continued Madame von Langen, when Mr. Vandernoodt
had moved away. "Until now you have always seemed eager about
something from morning till night."
"That is just because I am bored to death. If I am to leave
off play I must break my arm or my collar-bone. I must make
something happen; unless you will go into Switzerland and take me
up the Matterhorn."
"Perhaps this Mr. Deronda's acquaintance will do instead of
the
Matterhorn."
"Perhaps."
But Gwendolen did not make Deronda's acquaintance on this
occasion. Mr. Vandernoodt did not succeed in bringing him up to her
that evening, and when she re-entered her own room she found a
letter recalling her home.
This man contrives a secret 'twixt us
two,
That he may quell me with his meeting
eyes
Like one who quells a lioness at
bay.
This was the letter Gwendolen found on her table:—
DEAREST CHILD.—I have been expecting to hear from you for a
week. In your last you said the Langens thought of leaving Leubronn
and going to Baden. How could you be so thoughtless as to leave me
in uncertainty about your address? I am in the greatest anxiety
lest this should not reach you. In any case, you were to come home
at the end of September, and I must now entreat you to return as
quickly as possible, for if you spent all your money it would be
out of my power to send you any more, and you must not borrow of
the Langens, for I could not repay them. This is the sad truth, my
child—I wish I could prepare you for it better—but a dreadful
calamity has befallen us all. You know nothing about business and
will not understand it; but Grapnell & Co. have failed for a
million, and we are totally ruined—your aunt Gascoigne as well as
I, only that your uncle has his benefice, so that by putting down
their carriage and getting interest for the boys, the family can go
on. All the property our poor father saved for us goes to pay the
liabilities. There is nothing I can call my own. It is better you
should know this at once, though it rends my heart to have to tell
it you. Of course we cannot help thinking what a pity it was that
you went away just when you did. But I shall never reproach you, my
dear child; I would save you from all trouble if I could. On your
way home you will have time to prepare yourself for the change you
will find. We shall perhaps leave Offendene at once, for we hope
that Mr. Haynes, who wanted it before, may be ready to take it off
my hands. Of course we cannot go to the rectory—there is not a
corner there to spare. We must get some hut or other to shelter us,
and we must live on your uncle Gascoigne's charity, until I see
what else can be done. I shall not be able to pay the debts to the
tradesmen besides the servants' wages. Summon up your fortitude, my
dear child; we must resign ourselves to God's will. But it is hard
to resign one's self to Mr. Lassman's wicked recklessness, which
they say was the cause of the failure. Your poor sisters can only
cry with me and give me no help. If you were once here, there might
be a break in the cloud—I always feel it impossible that you can
have been meant for poverty. If the Langens wish to remain abroad,
perhaps you can put yourself under some one else's care for the
journey. But come as soon as you can to your afflicted and loving
mamma,
FANNY DAVILOW.
The first effect of this letter on Gwendolen was
half-stupefying. The implicit confidence that her destiny must be
one of luxurious ease, where any trouble that occurred would be
well clad and provided for, had been stronger in her own mind than
in her mamma's, being fed there by her youthful blood and that
sense of superior claims which made a large part of her
consciousness. It was almost as difficult for her to believe
suddenly that her position had become one of poverty and of
humiliating dependence, as it would have been to get into the
strong current of her blooming life the chill sense that her death
would really come. She stood motionless for a few minutes, then
tossed off her hat and automatically looked in the glass. The coils
of her smooth light-brown hair were still in order perfect enough
for a ball-room; and as on other nights, Gwendolen might have
looked lingeringly at herself for pleasure (surely an allowable
indulgence); but now she took no conscious note of her reflected
beauty, and simply stared right before her as if she had been
jarred by a hateful sound and was waiting for any sign of its
cause. By-and-by she threw herself in the corner of the red velvet
sofa, took up the letter again and read it twice deliberately,
letting it at last fall on the ground, while she rested her clasped
hands on her lap and sat perfectly still, shedding no tears. Her
impulse was to survey and resist the situation rather than to wail
over it. There was no inward exclamation of "Poor mamma!" Her mamma
had never seemed to get much enjoyment out of life, and if
Gwendolen had been at this moment disposed to feel pity she would
have bestowed it on herself—for was she not naturally and
rightfully the chief object of her mamma's anxiety too? But it was
anger, it was resistance that possessed her; it was bitter vexation
that she had lost her gains at roulette, whereas if her luck had
continued through this one day she would have had a handsome sum to
carry home, or she might have gone on playing and won enough to
support them all. Even now was it not possible? She had only four
napoleons left in her purse, but she possessed some ornaments which
she could sell: a practice so common in stylish society at German
baths that there was no need to be ashamed of it; and even if she
had not received her mamma's letter, she would probably have
decided to get money for an Etruscan necklace which she happened
not to have been wearing since her arrival; nay, she might have
done so with an agreeable sense that she was living with some
intensity and escaping humdrum. With ten louis at her disposal and
a return of her former luck, which seemed probable, what could she
do better than go on playing for a few days? If her friends at home
disapproved of the way in which she got the money, as they
certainly would, still the money would be there. Gwendolen's
imagination dwelt on this course and created agreeable
consequences, but not with unbroken confidence and rising certainty
as it would have done if she had been touched with the gambler's
mania. She had gone to the roulette-table not because of passion,
but in search of it: her mind was still sanely capable of picturing
balanced probabilities, and while the chance of winning allured
her, the chance of losing thrust itself on her with alternate
strength and made a vision from which her pride sank sensitively.
For she was resolved not to tell the Langens that any misfortune
had befallen her family, or to make herself in any way indebted to
their compassion; and if she were to part with her jewelry to any
observable extent, they would interfere by inquiries and
remonstrances. The course that held the least risk of intolerable
annoyance was to raise money on her necklace early in the morning,
tell the Langens that her mother desired her immediate return
without giving a reason, and take the train for Brussels that
evening. She had no maid with her, and the Langens might make
difficulties about her returning home, but her will was
peremptory.
Instead of going to bed she made as brilliant a light as she
could and began to pack, working diligently, though all the while
visited by the scenes that might take place on the coming day—now
by the tiresome explanations and farewells, and the whirling
journey toward a changed home, now by the alternative of staying
just another day and standing again at the roulette-table. But
always in this latter scene there was the presence of that Deronda,
watching her with exasperating irony, and—the two keen experiences
were inevitably revived together—beholding her again forsaken by
luck. This importunate image certainly helped to sway her resolve
on the side of immediate departure, and to urge her packing to the
point which would make a change of mind inconvenient. It had struck
twelve when she came into her room, and by the time she was
assuring herself that she had left out only what was necessary, the
faint dawn was stealing through the white blinds and dulling her
candles. What was the use of going to bed? Her cold bath was
refreshment enough, and she saw that a slight trace of fatigue
about the eyes only made her look the more interesting. Before six
o'clock she was completely equipped in her gray traveling dress
even to her felt hat, for she meant to walk out as soon as she
could count on seeing other ladies on their way to the springs. And
happening to be seated sideways before the long strip of mirror
between her two windows she turned to look at herself, leaning her
elbow on the back of the chair in an attitude that might have been
chosen for her portrait. It is possible to have a strong self-love
without any self-satisfaction, rather with a self-discontent which
is the more intense because one's own little core of egoistic
sensibility is a supreme care; but Gwendolen knew nothing of such
inward strife. She had a naïve
delight in her fortunate self, which any but the harshest
saintliness will have some indulgence for in a girl who had every
day seen a pleasant reflection of that self in her friends'
flattery as well as in the looking-glass. And even in this
beginning of troubles, while for lack of anything else to do she
sat gazing at her image in the growing light, her face gathered a
complacency gradual as the cheerfulness of the morning. Her
beautiful lips curled into a more and more decided smile, till at
last she took off her hat, leaned forward and kissed the cold glass
which had looked so warm. How could she believe in sorrow? If it
attacked her, she felt the force to crush it, to defy it, or run
away from it, as she had done already. Anything seemed more
possible than that she could go on bearing miseries, great or
small.
Madame von Langen never went out before breakfast, so that
Gwendolen could safely end her early walk by taking her way
homeward through the Obere Strasse in which was the needed shop,
sure to be open after seven. At that hour any observers whom she
minded would be either on their walks in the region of the springs,
or would be still in their bedrooms; but certainly there was one
grand hotel, the Czarina from
which eyes might follow her up to Mr. Wiener's door. This was a
chance to be risked: might she not be going in to buy something
which had struck her fancy? This implicit falsehood passed through
her mind as she remembered that the
Czarina was Deronda's hotel; but she
was then already far up the Obere Strasse, and she walked on with
her usual floating movement, every line in her figure and drapery
falling in gentle curves attractive to all eyes except those which
discerned in them too close a resemblance to the serpent, and
objected to the revival of serpent-worship. She looked neither to
the right hand nor to the left, and transacted her business in the
shop with a coolness which gave little Mr. Weiner nothing to remark
except her proud grace of manner, and the superior size and quality
of the three central turquoises in the necklace she offered him.
They had belonged to a chain once her father's: but she had never
known her father; and the necklace was in all respects the ornament
she could most conveniently part with. Who supposes that it is an
impossible contradiction to be superstitious and rationalizing at
the same time? Roulette encourages a romantic superstition as to
the chances of the game, and the most prosaic rationalism as to
human sentiments which stand in the way of raising needful money.
Gwendolen's dominant regret was that after all she had only nine
louis to add to the four in her purse: these Jew dealers were so
unscrupulous in taking advantage of Christians unfortunate at play!
But she was the Langens' guest in their hired apartment, and had
nothing to pay there: thirteen louis would do more than take her
home; even if she determined on risking three, the remaining ten
would more than suffice, since she meant to travel right on, day
and night. As she turned homeward, nay, entered and seated herself
in the salon to await her
friends and breakfast, she still wavered as to her immediate
departure, or rather she had concluded to tell the Langens simply
that she had had a letter from her mamma desiring her return, and
to leave it still undecided when she should start. It was already
the usual breakfast-time, and hearing some one enter as she was
leaning back rather tired and hungry with her eyes shut, she rose
expecting to see one or other of the Langens—the words which might
determine her lingering at least another day, ready-formed to pass
her lips. But it was the servant bringing in a small packet for
Miss Harleth, which had at that moment been left at the door.
Gwendolen took it in her hand and immediately hurried into her own
room. She looked paler and more agitated than when she had first
read her mamma's letter. Something—she never quite knew
what—revealed to her before she opened the packet that it contained
the necklace she had just parted with. Underneath the paper it was
wrapped in a cambric handkerchief, and within this was a scrap of
torn-off note-paper, on which was written with a pencil, in clear
but rapid handwriting—" A stranger who has found
Miss Harleth's necklace returns it to her with the hope that she
will not again risk the loss of it. "
Gwendolen reddened with the vexation of wounded pride. A
large corner of the handkerchief seemed to have been recklessly
torn off to get rid of a mark; but she at once believed in the
first image of "the stranger" that presented itself to her mind. It
was Deronda; he must have seen her go into the shop; he must have
gone in immediately after and repurchased the necklace. He had
taken an unpardonable liberty, and had dared to place her in a
thoroughly hateful position. What could she do?—Not, assuredly, act
on her conviction that it was he who had sent her the necklace and
straightway send it back to him: that would be to face the
possibility that she had been mistaken; nay, even if the "stranger"
were he and no other, it would be something too gross for her to
let him know that she had divined this, and to meet him again with
that recognition in their minds. He knew very well that he was
entangling her in helpless humiliation: it was another way of
smiling at her ironically, and taking the air of a supercilious
mentor. Gwendolen felt the bitter tears of mortification rising and
rolling down her cheeks. No one had ever before dared to treat her
with irony and contempt. One thing was clear: she must carry out
her resolution to quit this place at once; it was impossible for
her to reappear in the public salon
, still less stand at the gaming-table with the risk of
seeing Deronda. Now came an importunate knock at the door:
breakfast was ready. Gwendolen with a passionate movement thrust
necklace, cambric, scrap of paper, and all into her
nécessaire , pressed her handkerchief
against her face, and after pausing a minute or two to summon back
her proud self-control, went to join her friends. Such signs of
tears and fatigue as were left seemed accordant enough with the
account she at once gave of her having sat up to do her packing,
instead of waiting for help from her friend's maid. There was much
protestation, as she had expected, against her traveling alone, but
she persisted in refusing any arrangements for companionship. She
would be put into the ladies' compartment and go right on. She
could rest exceedingly well in the train, and was afraid of
nothing.
In this way it happened that Gwendolen never reappeared at
the roulette-table, but that Thursday evening left Leubronn for
Brussels, and on Saturday morning arrived at Offendene, the home to
which she and her family were soon to say a last good-bye.