“UP BEFORE THE BEAK”
MR. PUNCH
IN WIG
AND GOWN
THE LIGHTER SIDE OF BENCH
AND BAR
WITH 120
ILLUSTRATIONS
BY
H. STACY MARKS, SIR JOHN
TENNIEL, GEORGE DU
MAURIER, CHARLES KEENE,
PHIL MAY, E. T. REED,
L. RAVEN-HILL, J. BERNARD
PARTRIDGE, A. S. BOYD,
TOM BROWNE, G. D.
ARMOUR, W. F. THOMAS,
AND OTHERS.
PUBLISHED BY ARRANGEMENT WITH
THE PROPRIETORS OF “PUNCH”
THE EDUCATIONAL BOOK CO. LTD.
Punch Library of Humour
Twenty-five volumes, crown 8vo, 192 pages
fully illustrated
LIFE IN LONDON
COUNTRY LIFE
IN THE HIGHLANDS
SCOTTISH HUMOUR
IRISH HUMOUR
COCKNEY HUMOUR
IN SOCIETY
AFTER DINNER STORIES
IN BOHEMIA
AT THE PLAY
MR. PUNCH AT HOME
ON THE CONTINONG
RAILWAY BOOK
AT THE SEASIDE
MR. PUNCH AFLOAT
IN THE HUNTING FIELD
MR. PUNCH ON TOUR
WITH ROD AND GUN
MR. PUNCH AWHEEL
BOOK OF SPORTS
GOLF STORIES
IN WIG AND GOWN
ON THE WARPATH
BOOK OF LOVE
WITH THE CHILDREN
Mr. Punch has done his share towards bringing about various law reforms. We find him hammering away continually for many years at the Law’s delays, its costliness, its inconsistencies, and the evils he has satirised, the inconveniences he has laughed at have largely been remedied. He makes fun of the jesting judge and the bullying barrister, while he is genially amusing at the expense of the timid and blundering witness, and the youthful vanity or elderly pomposity of members of the bench and bar. He is rightly bitter now and then when he touches on the comparatively light sentences inflicted on audacious, but wealthy, swindlers, and the comparatively heavy penalties exacted from lesser, poorer, and more ignorant burglars and pickpockets; but in the main he devotes himself to the lighter side of law and justice and the professions that are concerned in its administration.
Here and there you come across echoes of famous law suits—of the Tichborne trial, the Parnell Commission; here and there you have reminders of Bradlaugh’s fight to get into Parliament without taking the oath; of the days when London was agitated by the Fenian scare and valorous householders were sworn in as special constables, and again when everybody passing into the law courts had to open his bag that the policeman on duty might be assured that he was not carrying a bomb inside it.
The reading matter is particularly apt and good; not a little of it was written by barristers in the intervals of waiting for briefs, and the writers were thus intimately acquainted with the grievances they ventilated, and were often suffering the hardships of the briefless themselves when they sat down to make fun of them.
Novice.—(a) Don’t, unless you want penal servitude for life. (b) Any respectable burglar. (c) We do not answer questions on chiropody in this column.
Hard Up.—Brougham on Conveyances will explain whether your contract to purchase the motor-car is binding or not.
Farmer.—It is either an “escrow” or a scarecrow; impossible to state definitely without further information.
B. and S.—There is no reduction (of the fine) in taking a quantity—generally the reverse.
Traveller.—By travelling in the manner you describe, viz., under the seat, you render yourself liable to “stoppage in transitu,” and to completing the rest of your journey on foot “in custodia legis.” The authorities on this point are very clear. See Constable’s Reports, P.C. X. Y. Z., Vol. XIV., pages 72-85.
Justice.—If the defendant lost, you, being plaintiff would win, and vice versâ. Consult a solicitor.
Student.—Can only spare space for half your questions. “Aggravated assault” explains itself, an assault which aggravates or annoys you. “Damage fesant,” a badly shot pheasant. “Simple larceny,” taking an empty purse out of a pocket in which a sovereign is lying loose. “Misdemeanour” is of course the demeanour of an unmarried woman, or in plainer language, the airs she gives herself.
“Gentlemen, I am ready to admit that his career in the past has not been free from blemish——”
A Brief Existence.—A barrister’s.
The Letter of the Law.—The “letter of the law” must be x. It expresses a quantity that is unknown.
A Law Suit.—Wig, gown, and bands.
How to make use of “the Block in the Law Courts.”—Try wigs on it.
Good Legal Securities.—De-Benchers of Lincoln’s Inn.
“WHEN THE CAT’S AWAY”——
Mr. Blazer, K.C., returns unexpectedly to his chambers in the middle of vacation.
Legal Mem.—A barrister is only invited to sit on the Bench when he has had some considerable amount of standing at the Bar.
“A Winding-up Case.”—A watch’s.
PROBABLY THE NEXT ABSURDITY
In ladies’ winter costumes.
“Never miss a chance of ingratiating yourself with the jury, even at the expense of the judge.”
(An opportunity often occurs after lunch.)
“Always laugh at the judge’s jokes. It is not upon such an occasion that his lordship observes that he will not have the court turned into a theatre.”
“Show no mercy to the police; they have few friends.”
REAL PRESENCE OF MIND
Policeman X 24, drunk and almost incapable, is just able to blow his whistle for help!
The sons of lawyers, who are intended for their fathers’ profession, cannot too early become familiar with legal phrases and their meanings. Old nursery rhymes might easily be adapted for this purpose. For instance—
I.
II.
III.
IV.
V.
[1] Subaudi, Police Court.
(Left in the Hall of the Law Courts.)
The Trials of an Anxious “Junior.”—Prompting a deaf and testy “chief” in open court is not his idea of perfect bliss.
THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS
His Honour. “H’m! Will you kindly raise your veil. I find it extremely difficult to—h’m—hear anyone distinctly with those thick veils——”
WHAT THEY SEEM
“Er—er—thank you! Silence! I will not have this court turned into a place of amusement!”
“The Meshes of the Law!”—Rural Magistrate. “Prisoner, you are charged with—ah—loitering about in a suspicious manner, without any ostensible employment. How do you obtain a living?”
Prisoner. “Your wusship, I’m engaged in the manufacture of smoked glasses for observing eclipses—an ‘industry’”—(solemnly)—“an ‘industry,’ your wusship, which involves protracted periods of enforced leisu-are!!”
Discharged with a caution!
Pity the Poor Prisoners!—Scene—County Prison: Visiting Justices on Inspection.
Visiting Justice. “Any complaints?”
Prisoner. “Yes, your Honour. We’re guv on’y one bucket at shavin’ time, so we’ve all got to dip our razors in the same water, and who knows wot skin diseases a cove might ketch!”
The Barrister’s Favourite Hymn.—“‘Brief’ life is here our portion.”
Legal Query. (From an Earnest Enquirer.)—“Sir, I have often heard of ‘The Will of the Wisp.’