Chapter Two

HOW TO HAVE SEX

 

Having sex can sometimes mean a number of different sexual activities, but usually it means sexual intercourse. The most common definition of sexual intercourse is an act that involves a man putting his erect penis inside a woman's vagina.

 

Foreplay, getting sexually excited

Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman usually starts with both of them getting sexually excited. This is sometimes referred to as foreplay, and might involve sexual activities such as kissing, cuddling and touching each other. Foreplay is important as it means a woman's vagina begins to get moist and a man gets an erection. If the woman's vagina does not get moist enough, then having sexual intercourse could be difficult or painful for the woman (and/or the man).

 

Protection during sex

If two people have sex and one of them has a sexually transmitted disease (STD) then they could pass it on to the other person. Using a condom is the best way to prevent any infection from being passed from one person to the other. If a man and woman are having sexual intercourse, and using a condom for protection against pregnancy or infections, they should put it on the man's penis as soon as he gets an erection. Some men say they worry about using condoms in case they lose their erection or have difficulty putting the condom on. You could get some condoms and practice beforehand. Condoms come with instructions in words and pictures which show exactly how to use them.

 

After the condom is on, the man or woman can guide his penis into her vagina. The couples then move their bodies so that his penis moves up and down inside her vagina. This usually rubs the penis and makes the man sexually excited so that he has an orgasm. The movement might also rub the woman's clitoris (or sensitive areas inside her vagina) so she can have an orgasm. But this often takes practice and a bit of experimentation to get it right!

Does having sex hurt?

Having sex does not usually hurt, though first time sex may be a bit uncomfortable for a woman because her hymen (a thin layer of skin that partially covers the entrance to the vagina) may be stretched or torn. Some girls are born without a hymen and some tear theirs when inserting tampons or during sport. A torn hymen may cause a little bleeding, but it does not usually last long. Sex is not usually painful for a man.

 

The best way to ensure pain-free sex is for both partners to relax and take their time. After the first time, sex should become more comfortable. The vagina is very stretchy and will usually accommodate a penis (even a large one) with ease. However, a woman may experience pain when having sexual intercourse if her vagina does not produce enough natural lubrication. Extra vaginal fluids are usually produced when a woman becomes sexually excited to allow the penis to enter the vagina easily. If a woman is tense or rushing when she has sex, her vagina may not become moist enough to allow the penis to move in and out smoothly. Stress can also cause the muscles in the vagina to involuntarily tense up, making penetration difficult and painful. The best way to ensure pain-free sex is for both partners to relax and take their time.

 

Extra lubrication might also help, and can be bought from many chemists and some supermarkets. When using a condom, it is very important that a water-based lubricant (like KY jelly) is used, as oil-based lubricants like Vaseline can cause the condom to disintegrate.

 

Which position is best for having sex?

There are quite a lot of different positions for sexual intercourse. One of the most common is the missionary position, where a woman lies on her back and a man lies on top of her. A man and woman might also lie on their sides, the woman may sit on top of the man, or she may kneel on all fours while the man puts his penis into her vagina from behind. If couples are in a position where the woman's clitoris is not being stimulated, they can do this with their fingers.

 

What does sex feel like?

Sexual activities such as kissing are important too. Similar things happen to most people's bodies when they have sex - they get sensitive and warm and excited and may have an orgasm. Enjoying sexual activities with another person is possible whether you have an orgasm or not. Not being able to have an orgasm with another person doesn't mean that you don't fancy them or love them. Your emotions might be different each time you have a sexual experience, depending on the circumstances. Having sex can be one of the most intense and pleasurable physical and emotional experiences a person can have.

 

How do you have an orgasm?

When sexual excitement builds up and reaches a peak, a person might experience an orgasm, also called a climax, or 'coming'. The sexual excitement might start from someone masturbating on their own, or through kissing, masturbating or having sex with another person.

 

Sexual excitement usually grows gradually and a person feels more and more pleasure and a kind of exciting tension. All the feelings of tension then disappear when the orgasm happens, and the person experiences feelings of intense pleasure. The feeling can be so strong that a person might not be able to see, or hear or think about anything for a moment. They might even groan and call out with the pleasure. Orgasms usually last only a few seconds but the feelings might last a lot longer.