Hush,
it’s Christmas!

Hello, my name is Bruno and I am a Christmas expert. I have experienced six Christmases, which is like 42 Christmases, since one dog year counts as seven human years.

After 42 years, Christmas doesn’t upset me anymore, even though my humans go totally bonkers at Christmas time. They get what I call the ‘big barking’ in their heads. ‘Stress’ they call it. Sometimes it gets so bad that my Daddy forgets to bring my fresh Friday bone home, and my Mommy hardly has any time to snuggle and cuddle with me. She says she doesn’t know where her head is. Maybe her head is at the end of the world, where the butterflies are?

Anyway, I usually stay pretty calm during Christmas time. But this year is different. This year, Santa, the Christ Child, the Holy Three Kings and Scrooge have all conspired against me; they sent me a cat. A C A T!

A cat is the worst thing that can happen to a dog. This cat’s name is Tofu, um, I mean, Soy, like the milk she always drinks. Real yucky stuff that tastes awful. Even Daddy says that.

Soy is very picky when it comes to eating, and when she does eat, she makes sure to chew each mouthful 33 times. And she does yoga, oh my goodness! On top of that, she is a ‘know it all’. She seriously said that cats were the first animals on this planet. How hilarious is that?! Everybody knows that Adam and Eve had a dog. Why else did they need all the trees in paradise?

Soy will be staying here with us until Christmas Eve, because her human Mommy can’t pick her up until then. Soy’s Mommy had to suddenly go to India to help a friend that became very, very ill. India is on the other side of the world, and it’s still 23 days until Christmas Eve. That feels like forever! How in the world am I to survive?

But wait a minute, isn’t Christmas about making wishes? Let’s give it a try. I close my eyes and say, “Dear Christ Child, dear Holy Three Kings, dear cows in the manger, sheep, oxen and bed bugs, dear cinnamon cookies, gingerbread hearts and hot, roasted chestnuts… my wish to you is that today is already Christmas Eve. One, two, three!”

I open my eyes. My wish did not come true. The cat is still here, laying on my blanket. Today is the first of December. Still 23 agonizing days ahead, and at least as many cat hairs on my cuddle blanket. My nose is starting to tickle… Oh my gosh, I have a Christmas allergy! Achoo!

December 2nd

Advent calendars are a neat thing. Every day you get to open a little door, and behind that little door there is a surprise like chocolate or a story or a toy.

Soy made an advent calendar for Bruno. She invented it herself. There is no chocolate in it – instead it’s something soooo much better!