Contents
Cover
About the Book
About the Author
Title Page
A Short History of Parenting
The Benefits of Positive Parenting
Why Children Become Unruly & Disruptive
The Pressures of Parenting
Loved-based Parenting
New Skills to Create Co-operation
The Four Temperaments
New Skills to Minimise Resistance
New Skills for Increasing Motivation
New Skills for Asserting Leadership
New Skills for Maintaining Control
Copyright
A Short History of Parenting
WHEN PARENTS MAKE mistakes in parenting it is not because they don’t love their children but because they just don’t know a better way. The most important part of parenting is love and putting in time and energy to support your children.
WITHOUT AN UNDERSTANDING of their children’s needs, parents cannot effectively support their children.
WHEN THEIR HEARTS are open and their will is nurtured they are actually more willing to co-operate.
YOU HAVE TO learn how to listen so that children will want to talk to you. You have to learn how to ask so that children will want to co-operate. You have to learn how to give your children increasing freedom and yet maintain control.
TO BE A better parent it is not enough just to stop doing things like punishing or yelling to control your children. To give up manipulating your children with the threat of punishment to maintain control, try to find other equally effective methods.
OUR CHILDREN’S PROBLEMS begin in the home, and can be solved at home.
TO BE A better parent it is not enough to stop doing things that don’t work.
TO COPE WITH changes in society parents need to change their parenting approach.
LIKEWISE, IF PARENTS want their children to be able to compete in the free world, they must prepare their children with the most effective and modern approaches to parenting.
WESTERN SOCIETY IS now organised by the principles of freedom and human rights; parents still use parenting skills from the Dark Ages. Parents need to update their parenting skills to raise healthy and co-operative children and teenagers.
TO GIVE UP old ways of parenting, new ways must be employed.
IRONICALLY, FROM THE perspective of positive parenting, nurturing a strong will is the basis for creating confidence, co-operation and compassion in children.
THE GOAL OF positive parenting is to create wilful but co-operative children.
THEY DO NOT lie or cheat because it is against the rules, but they are fair and just. Morality is not imposed on these children from outside but emerges from within and is learned by co-operating with their parents.
RATHER THAN SEEKING to create good children, positive parenting seeks to create compassionate children.
PAST PARENTING APPROACHES focused on creating submission; positive parenting aims to develop confident leaders who are capable of creating their own destiny, not just passively following in the footsteps of others before them.
The Benefits of Positive Parenting
CONFIDENT CHILDREN ARE not easily swayed by peer pressure nor do they feel the need to rebel.
THEY THINK FOR themselves, yet remain open to the assistance and help of their parents.
THE INTIMIDATION OF yelling and spanking no longer creates control but simply numbs a child’s willingness to listen and co-operate.
THE THREAT OF punishment only turns children against their parents and causes them to rebel.
PUNISHMENT IN THE past was used to break a strong-willed child. Although it may have worked to create obedience it doesn’t work today.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, PUNISHMENT and the threat of punishment break down the lines of communication. Instead of being a part of the solution, you the parent become a part of the problem.
PUNISHMENT MAKES YOU, the parent, an enemy to hide from instead of a parent to turn to for support.
UNLESS THEY ARE free to ask for what they want, children never clearly learn what they can get and what they can’t.
WHEN GIVEN THE freedom to ask for what they want, children’s inner power to get what they want has a chance to blossom.
THERE IS A big difference between being manipulated by a whiny child and being motivated by a brilliant negotiator.
POSITIVE PARENTS MAINTAIN control throughout every negotiation and clearly set limits on how long it can go on.
BY GIVING YOUR child permission to ask for more you give that child the gift of direction, purpose and power in life.
WITHOUT A STRONG sense of self, people will even be attracted to abusive relationships and situations, because of feelings of unworthiness and fear of asserting their own will.
ADJUSTING ONE’S WILL and wish is called co-operation. Submitting one’s will and wish is obedience.
GIVING CHILDREN PERMISSION