Not one of us has gone unscathed from and by the custom of dating. It does not matter what culture, gender or age, dating has had an impact on us in one form or the other. We see examples of it on the television, read about it in magazines and learn about it in the classroom, locker room and on the street.
Sociologists study it as do psychologists, behaviorists, educators and biologists. The subject is pervasive. Dating with all its foibles is regular fodder for movies and television series. Books extol the art of dating and/or finding your “soul mate”. The ideology of romantic love, “true love” and the “ideal mate” are expounded page after page or in scene after scene. According to this approach, the first date is the start of this journey.
In many movies and pulp fiction, the first date is where the hero and heroine start-off on their journey into the ultimate adventure of eternal happiness. This quest for eternal happiness is not a modern dilemma. It dates back centuries. It is part of many different philosophical approaches to life. Dating, however, is a new phenomenon. It is only around a century old. It is an evolutionary process affected by technological and sociological changes. Dating has to do with relationships and experimentation. It concerns the search for economic, societal and emotional security. It is about compromise and expansion. It is also, believe it or not, fun. Dating is amusing and daunting. It is scary and exciting. It can be an adventure or a calamity. In fact, sometimes, it can be a bit of both. In the search for the ideal date, you are bound to make a few mistakes. Relax. Everybody does. It is rare to find exactly who you want to be with on your first outing. Think of it as a learning experience, a great adventure, time well spent. Certainly, it is more interesting than watching the news, although it can sometimes feel you may soon be on it as you are quickly becoming part of a train wreck.
Depending upon your point of view, dating is either easier or harder as you get older. This book is geared towards the mature male. It is a guide to dating. Are you curious about arranging that first date on an online dating service? Perhaps, you are looking to date a single mom. Maybe you, yourself, are a single father or a senior. This book hopes to help you be successful in obtaining that first date. It looks at means to make your first date, great.
First, however, let’s start with a definition and a brief history lesson. What is dating and when did it all begin?
Definition
Dating is a simple sounding word. The origins of the word lie in the Latin language – data/dare to give. The basis of the current usage, however, began in the United States. It is now universal in its application as an informal term describing making an appointment with a member of the opposite sex. Dating is the action of going out with another person, either as a romantic or social partner. A date is now an appointment or engagement with the specific idea of going out socially. A date is also the word you apply to the person who is accompanying you on this specific outing. This concept of “dating” someone is new in terms of historical developments.
History
Prior to the development of “dating,” young people and adults met at socially acceptable venues. They socialized at Church and were introduced at dances. They met at local functions such as fairs, hunts and fields. Large family gatherings were the perfect times for people to meet. Christmas was one such time. Many families exchanged gifts and visited each other’s homes. The young people met in supervised situations, bargains were struck between the parents and events proceeded from there. Courting was all about finding a mate. It meant commitment and marriage. Marriage from the earliest times was always the final product of two people courting. Absent was the modern concept of true love. Marriage rarely relied on concepts of love and soul mates. It was an economic and social contract between two people. It was for the betterment of their lives and that of their families.
The family played an integral role in all marriages. It did not matter whether you were upper, middle, working or lower class. Marriage was the ultimate goal – a goal in which you strived to improve your lot in life and, therefore, the lot of your family. For some, it meant an improvement in their social status; for others, it was the uniting of two families for political and economic reasons. Some parents gained a direct and immediate benefit through either selling their daughter into marriage or procuring a dowry or dowry price.
Even when the Victorian’s began to finalize the concept of a woman’s proper sphere and a male’s role in society, the rationale behind courtship remained – marriage with the accompanying economic and or social betterment. No matter who you were, you did not want to “marry down”. While it may be romantic to fall in love with someone of a different class, it was never realistic to expect it to work in real life. The position of parents on the importance of marriage did not change over the 19th century. Marriage was the only possible outcome of courtship. What did vary was the amount of direct supervision of the two young people.