People with social phobia have a strong and actually unfounded fear of social situations and avoid them as much as possible. However, the border to shyness is fluid. So when do we speak of social phobia and when of shyness?
Many people believe they have a social phobia because they are reluctant to focus on it. Or just being afraid to talk to other people. But just because you don't like to draw attention to yourself doesn't mean that you are suffering from a mental disorder.
When we really speak of a social phobia, social phobias are among the most frequent anxiety disorders. A phobia is thereby a persistent and unfounded fear of something, animals can be for example the classical spider phobia, or perhaps it is also the fear of locked rooms then we speak of a claustrophobia.
Or the fear of speaking in public, that's what we call social phobia. I. e. the fear of the social situation. And in these situations, the typical anxiety symptoms are shown. So the blushing, the sweating, the tachycardia, the trembling and what you know. And this naturally leads to the fact that these situations are best avoided. So don't even visit them.
Whoever has a social phobia is afraid of attracting attention. Fear of embarrassing yourself in front of others. This can apply to all social situations and then, of course, the people affected feel constantly tense and under observation. Thus they are constantly nervous, insecure and inhibited. But it can also limit itself to certain situations, such as the fear of eating other people.
The symptoms of social phobia are also evident on several levels. On the one hand there is the level of thoughts, which is determined by quite a lot of negative thoughts. People who are affected are constantly thinking about things and constantly worry about what others might think of them. What you can do now, whether you are laughing, talking about them behind your back or criticizing them. This is accompanied, for example, by the fact that they expect failure in everything and everyone. So you have a lot of negative thoughts.
At the emotional level, fear is the most common and strongest feeling of course. The fear that others might simply perceive them, that others might laugh at them, the fear of negative evaluation and criticism. The fear of talking to other people, the fear of being in public in front of others to eat, to talk or to be scared of going to a party. All these fears are behind it. But also, for example, feelings of inferiority because they consider themselves to be losers and often also feelings of anger or anger. What is more, they react so sensitively and that they can't stand it, so they always have to worry about it.
On the physical level, the typical symptoms of anxiety are evident. I think she'll know all of us. So that's the tachycardia, the shortness of breath, the trembling, the blushing, maybe the urge to let water in, the need to get a dry mouth, the need to start stuttering or the urge to say nothing at all.
Then we'd be on the behavioral level by now. Because these feelings of anxiety naturally lead to the person concerned becoming silent, saying nothing more or responding very monosyllabically. That they can avoid eye contact, for example, i. e. not be able to look into other people's eyes openly, but perhaps rather keep their eyes lowered and, of course, prefer to avoid such a situation altogether.
And that is also the problem of social phobias, that they naturally limit our radius of life quite severely, because they deprive us of the joy of life. Of course, if you always feel tense in public and are stressed when you have to eat with other people in the restaurant. A lot of joie de vivre is lost and, of course, the fact that certain situations are avoided from the very beginning. This leads to a loss of performance, because you can never compete with others, for example, because you are guaranteed not to be the one to report to the meeting. Or maybe the social phobia is so strong that you couldn't even attend the meeting.
Perhaps now, when listing the symptoms, you may have thought that some people might also come across you and I can imagine very well that many people recognize themselves in these symptoms. For example, I don't like to be the center of my attention at all and have avoided giving any lectures or speeches during my life (really by hand and foot) because I don't like it.
Shyness vs. Social phobia
But when is something now simply perhaps just an expression of character, so if there is something "shyness" and when do we really talk about the "social phobia". Most people are more or less nervous at social occasions. Approximately one third of the adults describe themselves as shy and therefore find it unpleasant to stand in public, i. e. in the focus of attention. A social phobia has however only about 1 to 15 % of the people, therefore the figures fluctuate very much in addition to this, one sometimes finds 5 to 10 % on the figure, but there is no really reliable data. But what becomes clear is that only a small part of all these people find certain social situations unpleasant.
This means that if you feel uncomfortable at Christmas parties, don't like to take the floor at school or meetings, don't like giving lectures, or find it difficult to approach other people. Then this can simply be an expression of a normal shyness and shyness is a trait and not a disease. We only speak of phobic disorders when the fear forces us to avoid all these activities from the outset. And if the fear leads to a complete restriction of the radius of life.
I have also just said that I have always avoided giving lectures, for example. So also shy people avoid certain situations. But I can still just go to a restaurant and have dinner with friends. Or I can go to a Christmas party and have no problem with that. But for a socially-phobic person, that would probably be inconceivable.
So although the border to shyness is fluid, the difference between the two is extreme: shyness and social phobia. So it's really about how much your fear restricts you in everyday life, how much the negative thoughts weigh on you and how much your fear symptoms show up.
In popular parlance, as they say, social phobia is sometimes referred to as morbid shyness:"Fear of social situations does not yet make social phobia. The border is crossed where all people and situations are perceived as a threat!".
I hope I have been able to show that many social anxieties are quite normal expressions of shyness and have no disease value. Nevertheless, they can be extremely stressful and restrictive in private and professional life.
Negative experiences from the past often burden us for a lifetime. To free yourself from this, you should learn to let go. Here I will guide you through 5 steps to learn to let go and restart.
The older we get, the more negative ballast we carry around with us. All the disappointments and injuries that have accumulated over the years. Many of them had a difficult childhood and were exposed to psychological or physical violence. Were constantly diminished in their self-esteem or have gone through some kind of traumatic experience. Even as an adult we carry it around with us.
Negative experiences do not simply vanish into thin air. They still accompany us for many years and often even our whole life long. They make us more suspicious and cautious. That we completely avoid certain situations or people and thus also get a limited radius of life. Maybe lose all our joy of life.
As your happiness commissioner, I want to help you to lead your best and most beautiful life. And this can only succeed if we free ourselves from our past. So the negative ballast, the negative experiences leave behind us and finish it once and for all. Because the bad news is, we can't undo it. What happened has happened, and we can't change that anymore. The only thing we can do is make sure that it doesn't burden and persecute the rest of our lives.
All we have to do is learn to let go:
1. make yourself aware of the negative effects of holding on to the past and incriminating on your life. Write to yourself in which areas of your life it restricts you. What physical and psychological symptoms and consequences it leads to.
2. Show yourself before your eyes what you are afraid of. So what are you afraid will happen if you let go and leave this negative experience behind you? And are your fears justified? It is often the case that the injury, the trauma or what we have experienced becomes part of our self-image. That we start to define ourselves. In this way it also offers us a certain protection, how can we always justify when something is not going so well in our life. Then we can fall back on it, so to speak, because we have also experienced that and that. And still suffer from this and that thing. Surely we also get sympathy and sympathy from others when they find out what we had to go through. This trauma can also provide some protection. Another thing is that we are often afraid of simply losing things. Even if it is something negative, incriminating and bad, it still frightens us to have nothing more. This often goes hand in hand with the fear that you have to let go of all the positive experiences and experiences that might be connected with it. So we rather stay in the situation that is destroying us, because we are afraid of what would happen if we let go of what is going to happen, what is unknown to us.
3. Consider what positive consequences releasing could have for you. What do you gain by letting go? What could your life look like? For example, you can write a letter or a longer text about what your life will look like in a year or three years, if you have let go of this incriminating one from the past. Then how do you live? Then how do you feel? What are you doing? How are you doing in your life?
4. Decide consciously to let go. After all, letting go basically means nothing more than the decision that the past should no longer burden the past. It also means accepting that it was the way it was. So it is not a question of displacing what you have experienced into the farthest corner of your head. Or to deny that it existed, you realize it has been, but you decide that it will not affect you here and now. That will not burden and restrict you further, but that from now on you will look forward and that you will start anew. When you have made this decision for yourself, of course, you have to make sure that your thoughts play along. Because they often lead a life of their own and do what they want. And that means whenever your thoughts wander back to this negative experience from the past. Say "Stop" very loudly, you can also flick or punch on the ground or combine it with some energetic gesture. And then just say,"Stop... I'm ready to let go!" really loudly.
5. Learn to accept. The last step is a bit of an additional point. Who can also help you to go through the whole process again and finish it. It's about you being really conscious about it being like it was. That you also accept that it was and that you can't change that now. Perhaps it is also about accepting that the world is not always fair. That we can't always hope for compensation or get good ones back if we do good. It is also about accepting that other people do not always behave as we expect or desire them to do. Sometimes it helps to put yourself in the perspective of someone who has done you wrong or who has not treated you well. Can you understand why? How did this come about? Has this person himself perhaps been overwhelmed in this situation? Or has she herself been through some kind of traumatic experience? Or did or could not behave in a different way? This should not be an excuse at all, but sometimes it can help you to better classify it. And about finding a little bit of your inner peace.
You see, letting go is a lengthy process that doesn't just happen overnight. Therefore be patient with yourself, be patient and let it mature. To let go of the decision is a big step, which can help you tremendously. But he also has to mature and needs his time.
Releasing means accepting the past as part of your story and deciding at the same time that you are about to start writing a new story.
The holiday season has begun, for many the most beautiful time of the year. We are working long towards this goal, maybe we pay a lot of money for great trips, and then you have some kind of stress, get sick or the holiday resort is not so great and the rest has disappeared on the first day of work. So that this does not happen to you, so that you can continue your recovery for a long time and make the best of your holiday - here you can find out the best recovery tips.
The purpose of the holiday is to recharge our batteries so that we can recover from stressful times. Just have time to focus on the family or have time for your own hobbies, so that we can try something new or just relax.
You can relax both when travelling and at home. The only important thing is that you are able to break away from the work in your mind. Regarding the time after vacation studies show that it is theoretically possible to keep our recovery for eight weeks. So eight weeks after the holiday still this recreation, which we have won in the holiday to keep. But for most people the reality is that on the first (working) day everything is already gone. How you can avoid this and make the most of your holiday, I would like to tell you now.
Before your holiday
1. Reduce stress
That doesn't mean working to the last second and then jumping into the holiday plane very quickly. Many people try to work off everything before the holiday as much as possible and somehow get everything clean and tidy. However, this causes them to become even more stressed and overtime-induced, which is good for so-called recreational influenza. We are more or less all aware of this, because this is the case as soon as we are free and as soon as the stress falls away, we are immediately ill. So typically just catch a cold. If you don't want to start your holiday sick immediately, you should reduce your appointments in advance and reduce the workload instead of increasing it.
2. Plan well
This includes, for example, handovers in the office. Try to share some of your tasks with your colleagues so that the to-do list does not rise infinitely when you come back from your holiday. This includes, for example, giving the apartment key to the neighbors and asking them to water the house plants and empty the letterbox. This also saves you the trouble of returning home to see the completely dried up houseplant and then the stress goes up again immediately.
3. Wallow in anticipation
Anticipation is known to be the best joy. In fact, a study has shown that we are more satisfied before and after the holiday than during the holiday itself. That is to say, this anticipation of the holiday makes us more satisfied, as well as to indulge in pleasant memories afterwards, than the holiday itself. In this respect, take advantage of this time and perhaps support them by buying hiking boots, buying new bathing suits or getting a guide so that you can read yourself in - what's coming your way.
During the holiday
4. Do not build up any leisure time stress
Some people then really demand too much every day on holiday. They put on a huge amount of work, especially if you only have one week on holiday. Then because you get the most out of it, but in your free time you are already under stress again. Recreation takes place by experiencing relaxation and new experiences in equal measure. So strike a good balance between the two.
5. Make compromises
Especially when you travel together with other people, maybe with friends or your own family, there can of course be friction and conflicts. It is therefore very important that we remain flexible and willing to compromise. So when one party wants to go shopping in the shopping mall and the other wants to go to the museum. That there is a compromise. Either the groups split up or do one and then the other. Also families don't necessarily have to do everything together on holiday, but it can really serve to relax and relieve stress, if the children are allowed to go to the beach with the children's club and if the parents are allowed to do a cultural program.
6. Cannot be reached
Some people just can't help but take the service phone with them and they check their e-mails every day, but somehow things are arranged and organized in the office. This is guaranteed to lead to disputes with fellow travellers and is not conducive to relaxation. So it's best to switch off and omit all business mobile phones, tablets and e-mail accounts. You really don't need to do that on holiday - as a rule, the company and its colleagues get along for a few days without you. If it is absolutely unavoidable, then set up fixed times so that you say every evening between 6 p. m. and 7 p. m. or every morning between 11-12 p. m., for example, check your phone calls and e-mails and settle the matter, but the rest of the time it remains taboo.
7. Try something new
Some people think they have to relax and then lie on the beach or in the hammock all day long and do nothing at all. But recovery also comes from experiencing new things. That we break out of our routines and simply conquer unknown things and a new territory. So, for example, that we try out new dishes, perhaps dare a cliff jump into the sea or see new cities and works of art. When we try something new, our well-being hormone dopamine is released, which means that our well-being increases as a result. So it's not only about relaxing on holiday, but also about new impressions and new experiences.
8.Take a positive perspective
If we expect too much and demand too much, then we will certainly be disappointed. For example: because the food in the hotel is not so tasty, because the beach of the hotel is really stony and not sandy, because there are quarrels in the family and it is not this harmonious travel guide's family picture. A holiday doesn't have to be perfect to be good. All these things don't necessarily have to be fulfilled for you to be happy. Whether you are happy or not depends largely on your perspective and much less on the circumstances. That's why you should focus on the positive - e. g. the wonderful sunsets as well as the stony beach.
After your holiday
9. Slow start
Under no circumstances should you make an important appointment on the first day of work, or even make an appointment at all. Start really slow! You should also avoid coming back very late on Sunday evening and you have to go straight to work Monday morning. So if possible come back a few days in advance to give you a few days of buffering time so that you can get back to the right place and wash your laundry and keep the relaxation for a while. The same goes for the office, you don't necessarily have to process all emails on the first working day. This is also a high stress factor for many people that the relaxation is immediately gone from their holiday. Start very slowly and take regular rest periods. Do something good for yourself in the time after that! Then your relaxation will last much longer.
10. Wallowing in memories
Now here comes the point that I mentioned earlier, the joy of rejoicing is a wonderful joy, so to speak. Vacation photos, souvenirs, these can all be wonderful anchors to bring back the positive feelings from your holiday and revive them. For example, take time with your family and your partner and watch the holiday pictures together on the first weekend after your return. You can also frame the most beautiful photos and maybe put something on your desk. Or any holiday souvenirs like seashells from the beach to decorate in a nice feel-good corner at home. In this way you can revive these holiday feelings and keep them alive.
A holiday doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.
Surveys have shown that nearly every second employee is dissatisfied with his or her job. Nevertheless, a lot of people do not change anything about it, but continue to go to the office every day and do their work by the book. But such behaviour can cause physical illnesses or depression in the long run. There are actually clear warning signs that show you that you should rethink your job situation. Here is a list of signs that you are dissatisfied with your job.
1. You watch the clock in the office all the time