I had this dream.
My arms were crossed, as I sat beside the makuramoto1 of a woman. She was lying on her back and spoke to me with a whispering voice: "I will die soon."
Her long hair was spread on the pillow, framing the soft features of her oval face. Her white cheeks beamed in vibrant red, although her lips had a deep-red color. She didn't look like she's going to die. But nevertheless she insisted in a gentle and convinced voice that she will die. As for myself, I also felt that she is going to die.
Still in doubt I looked at her from above and I asked her very cautiously if she really will die. Her eyes were wide opened, as she replied: "Yes, I will die for sure."
Her big eyes were full of tears. As her eyelids opened, I glanced into her black eyes. In her dark pupils appeared a reflected image of myself. Again I gazed into her sparkling black eyes and I wondered: is she really dying?
Cautiously I moved a little bit closer towards her makuramoto. I whispered and begged her to tell me that everything is alright and that she is not going to die. Her sleepy black eyes were still wide open, as anticipated, she answered me: "I will die. There is nothing we can do about it."
"Can you see my face?", I questioned her insistently.
"See your face? It's a reflecting image in my eyes, can't you see ?", she replied with a smile on her face.
Immediately I stopped talking, as I moved away from the makuramoto.
I crossed my arms on my chest and I wondered if she's really going to die. After a while, she spoke to me again: "After my death, I want you to bury me. To dig my grave, you should use a large oyster shell. Mark my grave. For that purpose, you should use the fragment of a star that has fallen from the sky. Then wait beside my grave for I will return to see you again."
I asked her: "When will you return?"
"The sun rises and it sets. The next day the sun will do the same again.
Like the red sun moves from the east to the west, will you wait for me?"
I nodded, but said nothing. The tone of her voice rose just a little bit. Clear and determined she insisted: "Wait for me for one hundred years!
Stay beside my grave for one hundred years and wait right there for me. Then I will surely return, to see you again."
I replied to her that I will wait. After that, my reflected image slowly vanished from her eyes and gradually got more and more blurred, until it disappeared completely.
It disappeared like shadows flee the ruffled sea. And then she closed her eyes abruptly. From one of her long eyelids a single tear ran down her cheek.
She was dead.
I went down to the garden. There I dug her grave with a large oyster shell. The oyster shell was big, smooth and had sharp edges. Every time I lifted the oyster shell to scoop the earth, the moonlight hit the rear side of the oyster shell, thereby the oyster shell sparkled. It smelled like dank earth.
Finally I finished digging the grave and put her dead body into the grave.
Very cautiously I sealed the grave with earth. Upon the rear side of the oyster shell the moonlight sparkled with every move of my arm.
After that, I took the fragment of a star, that has fallen to earth, to outline her grave. The fragment was spherically shaped. I imagined how the sharp edges of the rectangular fragment were ground during its long journey through the universe.
As I set it to the ground, I felt my chest and hands warming up a little bit.
I sat upon the moss. Still one hundred years to wait, I thought while I gazed at the spherically gravestone and my hands were crossed upon my chest.
And as she had said, the sun rose in the east as a big red orb and moved to the west. And also as the woman had said, the sun would set in the west. I counted one day.
Time passed and the crimson sun lazily rose again. And afterwards, set in silence. I counted two days. In this manner, I counted one sunrise, then two, until I couldn't remember the number of sunsets I had seen.
I counted all the time, but in the end I lost track of the number of sunsets completely.
One hundred years still had not yet passed. Finally I stared at the moss covered spherical gravestone, and for the first time it came to my mind that I might have been deceived by the woman.
At this very moment, from beneath the gravestone a green stalk began to sprout. It continued to grow in my direction, pointing at me. As I watched the stalk, it sprouted even more, until it touched my chest. From the delicate, quivering top of the sprout a long slender bud tilted slowly, opening its petals.
The fragrance of this pure white lily touched my soul. A single drop of dew fell from the sky upon the lily making it sway to and fro by its own weight. I bent my head and plunged my lips into the pure white of the dew dipped petals. I drew back from the lily and glanced in the infinity of the sky. Only one star was shining in the sky.
In this moment I understood that one hundred years had passed.
Soseki's first dream is about love. The death of the woman symbolizes the tragic end of a young couples' love. Soseki's lyrical narrator seems quite sober and austere. At first the young man is in doubt regarding the woman's imminent death. Continuously he wonders whether she tells the truth about her premature death or not (“Still in doubt, I looked at her from above and I asked her very cautiously if she really will die”).
Emotions come up from the woman's perspective only. It is her desperation, her tears and deep wish to return someday. On behalf of the lyrical narrator no equal feelings are shown. Whether to get as close to her as possible, neither any regret about the obviously dying woman. More likely the lyrical narrator seems to obey and grant the wishes of his dying lady. As the man has to decide, whether he will wait for her or not, he just nods. She has to ask for a second time, only then he replies. Her imminent death seems indifferent to him.
After her death, he wonders if he was cheated by the woman.