Contents
Introduction
Part I: Dialogue Gap
Chapter 1: How Dialogue Gap Arose
Malaise of the New Millennium—A Call to Arms
Patricia and Mireille—Intergenerational Dialogue
Life Before and After the Digital Tipping Point
Dialogue Headlines in the International News
Dialogue Skills
Dialogue Cases for Consideration
Chapter 2: The Implications of Dialogue Gap
Change is at Hand
The Solution is in the Dialogue
What Makes Some People, Families, Organizations, Societies More Successful than Others?
How Dialogue Gap Arose
Socratic Dialogues and Life in the Twenty-First Century
Dialogue Gap @ Home
If Passing the Digital Tipping Point is Bad for Teenagers, What is it Doing at Work?
Teenage Need for Connection is Filled with Digital Gadgets
Narrowing Dialogue Gap Can Reduce Stress
Smart Phones Interrupt Parenting
Dialogue Gap @ Work
Dialogue Gap in Society
Dialogue Cases for Consideration
Part II: Dialogue Solutions
Chapter 3: How to Get the Right People to Dialogue on the Right Issues
Stakeholders
Networking
Dialogue Cases for Consideration
Chapter 4: Dialogue Leader Behaviors
Dialogue Skills in Summary
Dialogue Behaviors in Detail
Dialogue Cases for Consideration
Chapter 5: Dialogue Time and Space
Dialogue Time
Dialogue Cases for Consideration
Part III: Dialogue Leadership
Chapter 6: The Cost of Failed Dialogue
Dialogue Leader Behavior Rating
How to Improve Dialogue Leadership Behavior
How to De-Escalate Conflict
Reduce Stress to Improve Dialogue
Four Levels of Ability in Regulating Emotion
Conclusion
Chapter 7: Sustaining Dialogue
Dialogue Approaches, Methods, Processes, and Systems
Sustaining Dialogue—A Final Word
Chapter 8: Dialogic Leadership
What Do Dialogic Leaders Know That Others Don’t?
How to Improve Dialogue in Society
Effective Dialogue Versus Silence and Violence
Dialogue Cases for Consideration
Conclusion
Appendix A: What Prevents Effective Dialogue?
Appendix B: Organizational Dialogue Assessment
Appendix C: Dialogue Skill Practice Activities
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Index
More Praise for Dialogue Gap
“As someone who spent 50 years managing people, I wish I had read this book long ago. Peter provides us with a detailed description of the difference between negotiation and communication; he makes us realize that in times of crisis, dialogue is always the solution and the very essence of teamwork.”
—Jean Marchand
Chairman and Founder, Universitas Trust Funds of Canada
Chairman and Founder, Educaid, educational assistance fund
“Peter has been a passionate proponent and champion of effective dialogue for many years, and his latest book should be considered an essential reference tool for anyone looking to take their negotiations, mediation, and dialogue to the next level.”
—Peter R. Morgan
Former police hostage negotiator and Head of the Police Negotiation Cadre
Hong Kong Police
“I value how Peter Nixon has covered dialogue in his book and have already adopted a dialogue-based behavior that has led to a healthier, more productive working environment.”
—Dr. Hayat Abdulla Maarafi
Executive Director, Qatar Debate
Member of Qatar Foundation
“I share Peter’s passion for promoting and, indeed, pointing the way on how to achieve meaningful dialogue. In business as in the global community we now live in, it all comes down to transparency and open sharing of thoughts.”
—John Crawford, JP
Chairman, International Quality Education Limited
Hong Kong
“Effective dialogue and negotiation in business are the only way to remain on top of your competition. I thank Peter for letting me understand the skill and the art of effective negotiation.”
—Irfan Muneer
Sales Director, Din Group of Industries
Karachi, Pakistan
“Effective dialogue is needed to help congregational life; dialogue training is needed for clergy and church leaders, and dialogue is essential if the church is to remain an instrument of transformation in the world of the twenty-first century.”
—Father Mark Rogers
Discovery Bay Church
Hong Kong
“This is a must-read book for all who want to understand the art of conversation and the virtue of listening.”
—Therese Necio-Ortega
Marketing and corporate communications specialist
Principal, TNO Link Concepts Consultancy Ltd
Hong Kong
“I fully endorse the fact that dialogue is the key process in making real change happen within teams and organizations.”
—Joanne Davis
Managing Director, Eventworks Ltd
Hong Kong
“It is only through dialogue and understanding that we will ever create peaceful hearts and minds.”
—The Very Reverend Diane Nancekivell
Chair, Kids4Peace USA
Vermont, United States
“Peter Nixon’s Optimal Outcomes dialogue road map is my new talisman (defined as ‘to initiate into the mysteries’) of optimal outcomes.”
—Denis Vaillancourt
Founder and Managing Director, Securicom Solutions
Vancouver, Canada
Copyright © 2012 John Wiley & Sons Singapore Pte. Ltd.
Published in 2012 by John Wiley & Sons Singapore Pte. Ltd., 1 Fusionopolis Walk, #07-01, Solaris South Tower, Singapore 138628.
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Despite the fact that optimal outcomes are derived through dialogue, we often endure dialogue gaps @ work, @ home, and in society.
This book is dedicated to those of you who suffer the negative effects of dialogue gaps whether they are caused by others or by you. If you know a dialogue gap that needs improving, offer the stakeholders this book and engage them in dialogue for a better world.
Be a dialogue leader—the solution is in the dialogue.
—Peter Nixon