“Shapiro eschews the academic ‘win–win’ style for the more practical ‘WIN–win’ approach which enables proficient negotiators to achieve beneficial results for themselves while simultaneously satisfying the basic interests of the persons on the other side. This is especially critical when on-going relationships are involved.”
—Charles B. Craver, Author of The Art of Negotiation in the Business World, Freda H. Alverson Professor of Law, George Washington Law School
“The Power of Nice offers essential tools that empower every negotiator. Shapiro's systematic approach to negotiations is easy-to-follow with classic and updated case studies throughout the book.”
—Melanie Allison, DNP, RN, ACNP-BC, Vanderbilt University School of Nursing Faculty
“In The Power of Nice, the elusive elements of the ‘art of negotiation’ are broken down and explained to all in a concise, practical, and lively manner. Ron's sharing his career of negotiating makes us all better.”
—Randy Levine President, New York Yankees Of Counsel, Jackson Lewis P.C.
“This book, and the principles espoused within it, have helped me in innumerable ‘difficult’ conversations and discussions with faculty. The book has guided me towards being able to say either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in a way that strengthens the professional relationship, underscores the person's value to the organization, and serves as a foundation for their career growth. Ron convincingly demonstrates how the essential elements of preparation, engagement, and personalization….and truly listening…are to getting to a mutual ‘win.’ His concepts move the negotiation from a one-time battle for supremacy, to a long-term conversation and a platform for collaboration and success.”
—Justin C. McArthur, MBBS, MPH, FAAN, Director, Department of Neurology, Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine; Neurologist-in-chief, the Johns Hopkins Hospital; Chair, School of Medicine Professorial Promotions Committee
“I have religiously used Ron's systematic approach for over two decades, and after reading this revised edition, I am not surprised to discover that even I can take my negotiation skills to a higher level.”
—Steve Mosko, President, Sony Pictures Television
“Ron goes beyond the practicalities of negotiating and shows how his philosophy of building strong relationships and paying attention to detail has an enormous impact on being successful—and not just in business.”
—Irina Pavlova, President, Onexim Sports and Entertainment Holding USA, Inc.
“The new tools and stories in this updated edition of The Power of Nice demonstrate that Ron perfects his craft by practicing what he preaches. Anyone seeking to become a better negotiator should read this book!”
—Eduardo DeJesus Rodriguez, MD, DDS, Helen L. Kimmel Professor of Reconstructive Plastic Surgery, Department of Plastic Surgery (Chair), NYU Langone Medical Center
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To four generations of family:
My father, who was the exemplar in my life for the power of nice, and my mother, for always being there to support my endeavors with her love;
My darling wife, Cathi, for her guidance, wisdom, and love;
And my children and grandchildren, who never let a day pass without reminding me of the importance of living with the Power of Nice.
By Ambassador Charlene Barshefsky
When I was Bill Clinton's chief trade negotiator, the United States Trade Representative, we negotiated over 300 market-opening trade and investment agreements across the globe. And as a private practitioner, I've negotiated countless agreements for both U.S. and foreign clients. Over the years, Ron Shapiro and I would always compare notes. His were more valuable.
I have been a Shapiro disciple for a very long time. The Power of Nice reminds us that negotiations are as much psychology and human interaction as substance and deal points. Understanding the other side's needs, concerns, and limitations, watching carefully, listening actively, and being agile enough to act as problem solver for both sides, is easily as critical as preparing your own substantive position and game plan. The goal is to bring home a great deal—a durable deal—for your clients or your business, not no deal because you couldn't get along with the other side. And it is not making a deal that looks good on paper but will never be implemented because you played “gotcha” once too often. Parents are often fond of reminding their kids that “what goes around comes around.” Good advice. “Purposeful” and “nice” can and ought to coexist. Ron's very success is a testament to that.
The lessons contained in The Power of Nice, whether big or small, are invaluable. Take, for example, one of Ron's tactical tips on the pitfalls of restating your position. One of my earliest negotiations with the Japanese concerned telecommunications infrastructure. I explained the U.S. position, my Japanese counterparts listened intently, and were…silent. Thinking that they did not fully understand our concerns, I slowly repeated what I had said. They listened carefully, more time went by…and again, silence. I was just about to give it a third try, when a young staffer passed me a note of four words: “Ambassador Barshefsky—Stop talking.” Why? Because Ron is right. Almost nothing is ever said precisely the same way twice, let alone three times. In fact, as The Power of Nice predicted, I had unintentionally altered my pitch, and telegraphed to the Japanese negotiators valuable clues as to my real position. The upshot? I never gave the third iteration, and waited, silently. After about 15 minutes of uncharacteristic American quiet, they began to talk—a lot. We got back on track, and I never made the same mistake again.
Or take Ron's points about forming relationships and not letting emotion overwhelm the talks. I was negotiating an intellectual property agreement with the Chinese, which went on for months on end, but during which my counterparts and I developed a very good relationship. The talks were sometimes tense or acrimonious, but never personal.
Late one night, the Chinese negotiator became highly agitated. I knew that he was under considerable pressure to conclude the talks without further movement on the Chinese side. In an uncharacteristic display, he lunged across the table (fortunately, it was a wide table and he was not particularly tall), and said, “That's it. No more. We are done.” I could have yelled, “No we aren't,” but I didn't. I knew that if I took the bait, we would be done, and I still had one final bit of ground to cover. So I weighed how best to defuse the situation, continue the negotiation for that last little bit, and not do anything that would result in the loss of face for my counterpart. I replied, calmly, “Mr. Minister. I am so sorry, but apparently, there has been a miscommunication. We are both tired. Let me suggest that we adjourn for the evening and resume early in the morning.” With that, I stood, left the room, and returned the next day with essentially the same proposal. After a brief discussion, the deal was done.
Then there is the situation where your counterpart agrees to something that is too good to be true, and where Ron rightly counsels, no deal may be the best option. This almost happened in the case of a large trade agreement with Vietnam—principally because we did not fully appreciate their priorities (another Ron “must do”).
By the early 2000s, the United States and Vietnam had yet to fully normalize relations, despite the decades earlier end to the Vietnam War. Our proposed trade agreement had a twofold purpose: to slowly reform and open the Vietnamese market, and to serve as the last step in the normalization process—something both sides sought.
One day, after months of negotiation, my lead staffer called me from Hanoi so excited he could barely speak. “Today…well….it's incredible. We are nearly done. What should I do?” This astonished me, because there is no way on earth the negotiation was nearly done. As we talked further, it became clear that the other side had simply decided to accept whatever we put forward. That would lead to an agreement that was never going to be fully implemented. I stopped the negotiation, called our team back, and invited the Minister from Vietnam to Washington. It was better to have no deal than to make a deal that wasn't good or wouldn't work.
Then I employed another Ron-ism: Preparation. Or, in this case, further preparation. We had prepared thoroughly for our negotiations in Vietnam. But as Ron teaches, preparation is not an end; it is an ongoing process, changing as the deal, the players, or the circumstances change. So we prepped again for the Minister's visit, analyzing his likely position, his needs and wants—empathizing, and determining our own true priorities, where we could give and where we could not.
When he arrived, we were ready for a heart-to-heart. As our preparation had indicated, for Vietnam, normalization was the overarching goal. For the United States, normalization was important, but so, too, was a strong, realistic agreement that could and would be implemented. So we simplified a number of our proposals, and revamped the agreement by phasing in various reforms over time. The United States and Vietnam normalized relations, and the agreement was fully implemented. No deal led to a better deal.
I could give countless additional examples of putting The Power of Nice to work—both as a systematic approach and an ethos. I was once told that as a negotiator I am tough, but reasonable, and funny—“purposeful” and “nice.” This is, I am convinced, the best and most effective combination of winning, both in the short term and long. The proof is in The Power of Nice.
By Cal Ripken, Jr.
Some people believe that successful professional athletes are prima donnas, and are only interested in how much money they can make. People may also think agents are aggressive, bloodthirsty sharks, who will promise anything to cut a deal. These stereotypes may be true in some cases but I hope my career proves there are exceptions. I know Ron Shapiro disproves this theory in his profession.
Just because you practice The Power of Nice, you listen to the other side, and everybody comes out a winner doesn't mean you're not a good negotiator. In fact, it shows that it is a more involved negotiation, and both sides end up getting what they want—a whole lot more. Ron Shapiro finds out how both parties can come out with a win. He is a real life example of a successful win–win negotiator.
When I first met Ron, I was about 18 or 19 years old. I was an up-and-coming baseball player and a lot of agents were interested in representing me. They wooed me pretty hard, trying to persuade me that they or their agency would represent me the best and the most aggressively, get me to the big leagues faster, get me a more lucrative contract, handle my money better, and get me more endorsements.
These agents had all kinds of not-too-subtle ways of convincing a player they were the best. Some of them would arrive in stretch limousines to take you out to dinner at the finest, fanciest restaurants: great big lobsters and New York strip steaks. They put the emphasis on glitz and glamour.
To tell the truth, I enjoyed it. After all, there were a lot of agents out there, there were a lot of good restaurants, and I like lobster and steak. I would graciously accept the agents' invitations, go out, eat dinner, and listen. I referred to it as “the agent game.”
One day, Mr. Shapiro called. Okay, I admit it, I'd heard of him and I called him. But he did call me right back. I now know his name is pronounced “Shap-eye-ro” but I called him Mr. “Shap-ear-o” and he called me “Carl.” My parents and I made an appointment to hear his presentation so I could determine if I wanted him to represent me.
Right away, it was obvious that he was different from all the other agents. He said, “Let's meet at my office.” So I thought, “This is okay. He'll show me his office and it's probably really posh, rich leather sofas, mahogany paneling, marble floors. Then he'll buzz for his driver and we'll go out to the fancy restaurant.”
I arrived at his office and he introduced me to his staff. We talked baseball and what his approach would be for me. In some ways, it was similar to what others had said, but in a different atmosphere. The office wasn't posh. It was, what's the word—plain; no leather, no paneling, no marble. Eventually, it was lunchtime, and I was getting hungry, and I was anticipating that expensive restaurant. Ron had tuna sandwiches brought in and we ate at the conference table (which was oak, not mahogany).
In the end I chose Ron Shapiro. Why? Maybe it was everything he didn't do that told me how he'd act on my behalf. Maybe it was not living up to the myths of his profession but clearly being successful. Maybe it was that he asked me what I wanted and needed and actually listened to me instead of telling me what he was going to do. Maybe it was trust.
Or maybe I just guessed right. Now, after many seasons and All-Star games and contracts, and now a business career, I think I made the smartest decision any 18-year-old could make.
Over the years, I've seen every kind of dealmaker there is. I'll take Ron's kind every time. You can get what you want and you can live with yourself. Instead of making one-time deals, you make deals that lead to more deals. You build relationships. And, make no mistake, you'll outnegotiate the other side.
While I've enjoyed a record-setting streak of consecutive games played, Ron is on a streak of his own. I've seen him use his Power of Nice for over 30 years. My career, and those of many others in the worlds of sports and business, are testimony to its impact. The stories and lessons he tells in this book really work in real life, whether it be in everyday business deals or the hard-nosed negotiations of the big leagues.
I am grateful to Mark Jankowski for his significant contributions to the earlier editions of this book, and also for his work at the Shapiro Negotiations Institute during his years as my partner. I will always appreciate the opportunity I had to work with him in developing The Power of Nice. And thanks to Jim Dale for his valuable assistance in making this revised edition better than it would have been without him.
Thanks also go to the extraordinarily committed people who work at the Institute, including those who made special contributions to this revision: Todd Lenhart, Michael Blackstone, and Jeff Cochran. My friend and counsel, Michael Maas, our intern, Matt Legg, and my executive assistant, Kim Talbott, eased the burden of accomplishing the task through an array of contributions made by each of them. Andres Lares's and Samer Jassar's technology skills helped make the end product more contemporary.
I appreciate the efforts of my editor, Shannon Vargo, whose gentle guidance and belief in this revision inspired its publication. I also want to thank members of Shannon's team, Elizabeth Gildea and Deborah Schindlar, and my agent, Joe Spieler, for their support.
The editorial advice of Joann Davis and the legal guidance of Arthur Levine were given out of friendship and were crucial to bringing about the end product.
After you write a book about negotiation, and it turns out that, yes, it works in the real world—enables people to get what they want more often, facilitates deals and partnerships, ends stalemates, heals wounds—why change it at all, why rewrite it, why update it? Because Harry Truman was right. Because in practicing what I preach, in teaching, in one after another real-life experiences, my approach evolved, was refined, got better, and became even more effective.
In responding to these situations and countless others, I practiced and imparted the Power of Nice. But in each case the Power of Nice evolved, the tools were sharpened, the outcomes enhanced. Moreover, whether because of feelings of inferiority due to gender, age, culture, or experience, people who found themselves disadvantaged in negotiations, who felt they lacked power, utilized our systematic approach and became empowered. And, amazingly enough, there were successful negotiators who gained a whole new sense of empowerment by being systematic.
And in the course of those negotiations, and reflecting afterward, I continued to learn, and this book now reflects that learning. For example, the concept of WIN–win, or Big Win–Little win, is modified to “maximizing your win”—you get the maximum you can achieve at the time, but the other side doesn't leave the table in defeat.
What used to be the Preparation Planner is now the Preparation Checklist. It's a more streamlined, two-step system—Information Gathering Steps and Action Planning Steps—that facilitate the preparation process. Additionally within the Checklist, items such as the importance of knowing your bottom line, or, as described in the Checklist, your Walkaway, receive new emphasis. Also, the practice of Scripting has emerged to be so important to negotiation, with so much influence over outcomes, that it is now a step unto itself.
In this new version of the book, you will find some older stories updated, some older ideas modified, and some brand new stories and anecdotes that illustrate and teach today's Power of Nice. The systematic approach has evolved and, in total, is even more effective in more situations, more challenges, in more aspects of business and life. You will see the system at work. Most of all, you will find more than power; you will find empowerment. And nothing is nicer.
“We're going to try to negotiate first.”
Dana Fradon © 1992 from The New Yorker Collection. All Rights Reserved.