The Student EQEdge: Student Workbook

Chapter 2: Case Studies of Emotionally Intelligent (and Not Emotionally Intelligent!) Behavior

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One of the authors, Korrel, taught at the college and university level for over 30 years and quickly learned that students rarely read the preface, so we’ll keep this one very short!

There are many reasons (better grades, increased chances of graduating, better career performance) why you may want to take this workbook very seriously. Do the exercises, read more about emotional intelligence in The Student EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Academic and Personal Success (Stein, Book, & Kanoy, 2013), and practice your new skills. If you do so, you will reap many rewards in your educational, professional, and personal life.

Korrel Kanoy, Ph.D., is a developmental psychologist and served as a professor of psychology at William Peace University for over 30 years, where she won the McCormick Distinguished Teaching Award and the Excellence in Campus Leadership Award. She has taught college-level courses in emotional intelligence since 1998. Korrel designed a comprehensive approach to infusing emotional intelligence into first-year experience courses, disciplinary senior capstone courses, and college and university service offices. She has worked with over 200 college students to help them develop emotional intelligence and has worked with schools to hire the best teachers using emotional intelligence as part of the hiring process. She has published a children’s book, Annie’s Lost Hat, which teaches preschoolers lessons about emotional intelligence through the story. She is a coauthor of Building Leadership Skills in Adolescent Girls.

Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., is a psychologist and CEO of Multi-Health Systems (MHS), a leading international test publishing company. He has authored several books on emotional intelligence, including the original The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success (coauthored with Dr. Howard Book); Make Your Workplace Great: The Seven Keys to an Emotionally Intelligent Organization; and Emotional Intelligence for Dummies. He has given presentations on emotional intelligence to audiences throughout the United States, Canada, Mexico, Europe, Asia, and Africa. As well, he has appeared on hundreds of TV, radio, online, and print media productions.

For over a dozen years, Dr. Howard E. Book’s area of expertise has been benchmarking and enhancing the emotional intelligence of individuals and groups, as well as developing training programs to enhance the strength of this ability. Dr. Book has also written, lectured, and offered workshops on the importance of emotional intelligence and success in the real world internationally. He is a member of the Consortium for Research in Emotional Intelligence in Organizations, part-time faculty at the INSEAD School of Business in France and Singapore, and a former board member of the International Society for the Psychoanalytic Study of Organizations, and with Dr. Steven Stein he coauthored the book The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success. He holds the rank of associate professor, Department of Psychiatry, Faculty of Medicine, at the University of Toronto.

Chapter 1

Introduction to Emotional Intelligence

Most of us grew up with a limited view of what it meant to be intelligent. We thought about those tests they gave us in school at the end of the year and the grades we earned. We thought about vocabulary words or math skills or reading comprehension. We took for granted that intelligence was important. And it is. We knew what IQ was about. But what about EQ? Emotional quotient, or EQ, is a measure of another form of intelligence. Intelligence is broader than we once thought and extends far beyond book learning or innate ability; it includes how we understand and use our emotions and relate to others to produce positive outcomes. The more we learn about emotional intelligence or EI (which is what EQ measures), the more we understand that well-developed EI may predict our future success and satisfaction better than our “book” intelligence or grades in school. Chapter 19 in The Student EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Academic and Personal Success (Stein, Book, & Kanoy, 2013) outlines the many benefits of EI to students in academic settings. And the influence of EI is equally important in predicting our personal and professional success.

Maybe you already knew how important EI is and that’s why you’re taking this class or participating in this workshop. Or maybe it’s a requirement. Either way, if you are motivated (that in itself is a form of EI!), willing to adapt your behavior based on what you learn (again, another EI skill), and participate fully in all the leader asks (another EI-related ability), you will benefit. How? Here’s one example. Schulman (1995) found that the EI skill of optimism was a better predictor of first-year students’ college GPA than their SAT scores. And in a dissertation project involving 783 college students studied over a five-year period, Sparkman (2009) found the following:

Finally, many employers seek graduates who can work well independently and in teams, control stress, solve problems, change directions when necessary, and relate well both to coworkers and customers. In fact, Shivpuri and Kim (2004) found that employers ranked interpersonal skills as the number one skill they wanted students to possess!

Emotional Intelligence Overview

EI is “a set of emotional and social skills that influence the way we perceive and express ourselves, develop and maintain social relationships, cope with challenges, and use emotional information in an effective and meaningful way” (The EQ Edge, 2011, p. 13). Figure 1.1 shows the five realms and sixteen scales of EI. Consult The Student EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Academic and Personal Success (Stein, Book, & Kanoy, 2013) for additional information about each scale.

Figure 1.1 Emotional Intelligence Defined

We assume you’d like to make good grades, have meaningful and healthy relationships, and graduate and begin your career. Developing your EI will help you accomplish those goals. So let’s get started!

A Word About EI Scales and Skills

The model of EI presented in The Student EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Academic and Personal Success and in this companion workbook identifies 16 scales. You can also think of these scales as skills you can develop. For example, assertiveness is both a scale in the EQ-i 2.0 model and a skill you can develop.

The Student EQ Edge: Student Workbook: An Overview

This workbook serves as a companion piece to The Student EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Academic and Personal Success and thus covers the same EI scales in the same order. The workbook will help you to gain a better understanding of the EI scales, reflect about your behavior in those areas, and practice some skill development.

Chapter 2 provides you with case studies; observing others’ behavior makes it easier to identify how important EI is in our daily lives.

Self-Perception—In Chapters 3–5 you will gain a greater understanding of who you are, your strengths and limitations, how you process and reflect about your emotions, and how well you have identified meaningful goals and activities for your life.

Self-Expression—Chapters 6–8 will help you understand how effectively you express your emotions, whether you can be appropriately independent in various situations, and how assertive you are.

Interpersonal Relationship—Chapters 9–11 will help you understand how well you connect with others, how well you understand and connect with others’ emotions, and how much you try to contribute and cooperate to make things better for everyone.

Decision Making—Chapters 12–14 cover your decision-making skills. How well do you assess the facts in a situation without over- or underemphasizing them? How do your emotions affect the way you view situations and how you problem solve? Do you problem solve effectively when you are emotionally charged? And can you maintain control over your impulses in a variety of situations so that you think before acting?

Stress Management: Chapters 15–17 will help you understand how well you cope with stress. Are you able to remain internally calm and focused when stressed out? Are you able to change your behavior when circumstances change, or does change stress you out? Do you remain optimistic even when you confront obstacles?

Well-Being: Chapter 18 examines your happiness and overall well-being and how that is influenced by some of the topics covered earlier.

Why Reflection?

Each activity ends with some questions that will help you reflect about what you have learned. Reflection improves academic performance and can be graded based on the depth of your analysis and the quality of your insights. High-quality reflection will help your course grade, but even more important, it will help you!

Consider three possible responses to a question that appears in Chapter 3 of this workbook: “What concerns do you have about developing emotional self-awareness?”

Sarah: “None; I think it will be fun. I love doing exercises and finding out more about myself. It’s always interesting to see how I compare to other students.”

Carlos: “I don’t like talking about my feelings. My girlfriend always wants me to do more of that. I don’t understand what the big deal is about emotions.”

Aisha: “I sometimes find it hard to talk about my feelings. But if I become more aware of my feelings and what causes them, maybe I’ll feel more comfortable talking about them.”

Even though the lengths of the three answers are not different, their depth of reflection is very different. The first student talks only about how much she enjoys exercises. She’s dodged the question. Carlos starts off with some reflection but then ends his statement by challenging the notion that it’s an important question to consider. Aisha, on the other hand, takes stock of her emotions and behavior and reflects effectively about how things might change. Reflections don’t have to be long or even too personal, but effective reflection will help you understand yourself better, ultimately leading to better outcomes.

Chapter 2

Case Studies of Emotionally Intelligent (and Not Emotionally Intelligent!) Behavior

It’s always easier to recognize how others mess things up or what they could have done differently to make a situation better. The case studies in this workbook are based on everyday challenges faced by students or young professionals. Although the scenarios and names are hypothetical, you will probably be able to identify similar situations in your life. Training yourself to think about how EI relates to a situation and coming up with solutions is the first step to improving your own emotional intelligence.

CASE STUDY #1: WHY CAN’T I MAKE AN A?

Briana just found out she made a B on a paper and her two friends made A’s. She understands the professor’s comments and knows that her writing is improving and needs to improve more, but she still can’t shake the negative feelings she’s having. When her friends ask what grade she got, she doesn’t want to discuss it with them. And she doesn’t like hearing how happy they are about their A grades. Later, in math class, she begins thinking about the paper and misses an important formula explanation. She’s too embarrassed to ask the faculty member to repeat the information. After classes that day, another friend approaches her and asks if she wants to go to shopping. Briana declines the invitation and instead goes to her room, puts on her headphones, and listens to her favorite music. Later that evening she attempts her math homework, but she struggles to work problems using the formula covered in class earlier that day. After a few minutes, she closes her book and goes to bed. She’s restless, though, and it takes her a long time to go to sleep.

Reflection Questions

1. Citing information from the case study, identify what emotional intelligence skills are most relevant to this case study.

2. What values or hot buttons may have been activated when Briana found out she made a B on her paper? Do you think these same values or hot buttons would have been triggered if her friends had also made Bs?

3. How does Briana’s emotional reaction affect her behaviors throughout the rest of the day? Is her behavior more or less productive the rest of the day? Explain your response.

CASE STUDY #2: 15 YEARS TO GRADUATE

Jane was a 32-year-old woman with three kids ages 10, 9, and 5. She had dropped out of college at age 20 to marry her long-time boyfriend; since having her children she had worked part-time in administrative assistant positions. She was bored with these positions and wanted a bigger challenge and more money. Her husband, Mark, was a college graduate and worked as an accountant. He supported her decision and was eager to take on a larger role at home.

Jane enrolled in a nearby institution that offered degree-completion programs for adult learners. The week before classes began, Jane told her husband she didn’t want to go back to school after all. When he gently probed for what had changed her mind, she replied, “What was I thinking? When will I have time to study? I’ve forgotten the math I learned, and I haven’t written a paper in 12 years. What if I don’t do well?”

After a lengthy conversation, Jane decided to give it a try. She could always drop out if her fears were realized.

The first month was very challenging. Jane frequently felt nervous, especially when she had to take a test or turn in an assignment. She came home every night exhausted and thinking about quitting. She couldn’t find time to study as much as she thought she needed to. But she told herself that this was a big transition and she should give it some time.

Soon she developed a routine of studying while the kids were doing their homework, and she stayed on campus between her classes to study instead of racing home to do laundry. She and Mark developed a chore list for each kid so that everyone took on more responsibility at home. Studying with her kids while they did homework relieved some of her guilt because she could stop what she was doing to provide help if they needed it.

Two years later, Jane graduated with a degree in psychology. She was accepted to a master’s program in counseling, and her goal was to open a business to work with adults who are making a mid-life transition.

Reflection Questions

1. Describe how Jane’s self-perception changed from the time she entered to the time she graduated.

2. What EI skill(s) did her husband demonstrate?

3. What were Jane’s biggest challenges, and how did she use EI to help overcome them?

CASE STUDY #3: BUT I’M GOOD!

Roberto is an average student but a very good athlete. His sisters both make all A’s in their classes while he makes mostly C’s and B’s. But that’s okay with Roberto because he excels at soccer. He starred on his high school team in his small hometown and earned a scholarship to play on a college team.

The first day of college practice did not go well. Roberto was surprised by how fast and strong everyone was. He got beaten badly on several plays, and the coach called him aside to give him pointers about his positioning and footwork. He vaguely remembered his high school coach saying some of the same things, but he hadn’t paid attention then because he was playing so well.

Roberto didn’t make the changes the coach suggested because what he had always done had worked great so far and this new coach didn’t know him very well. Over the next several weeks, the coach kept emphasizing the same points to him and not offering him any encouragement or praise. Roberto began to get frustrated, but he kept his frustrations to himself. The coach just needed more time to understand his style of play.

During the first game of the season, Roberto started the game. But after he got caught out of position and the other team scored a goal, the coach took him out. Roberto sat on the bench and fumed. Everybody made mistakes—why did he get benched when others did not?

The same pattern continued for several weeks. During the fifth game of the season, Roberto played only the last couple of minutes, after his team had a 4–0 lead. Later that night, when talking to his parents, he told them he was thinking about quitting the team. He heard himself say, “I just don’t think I’m good enough to play at the college level.”

Reflection Questions

1. Citing information from the case study, identify which emotional intelligence skills are most relevant to this case study.

2. Was Roberto aware of his soccer weaknesses? What about his EI weaknesses? Explain.

3. Do you agree with Roberto’s thoughts about quitting the team? Explain your answer.

CASE STUDY #4: STARTING COLLEGE

Jerome and Chris are first-year college students and roommates, and it’s the first time either has lived away from home. Jerome has declared a major in premed; he signed up for a heavy academic load this semester and has two science classes with labs. He spends lots of time in the library, and at the end of the first semester he has a 3.5 GPA. Jerome likes to go out on the weekends and have fun and often attends sports events or parties. He has lots of friends and is adjusting well to college. He sometimes gets bored when reading or studying, but if he does, he takes a short break to play video games.

Chris came to the university without a major and remains “undeclared” at the beginning of second semester. He doesn’t see a need to rush to declare a major, so he did not take a class in Career Exploration that his faculty advisor recommended. Chris made good grades in high school but is finding it harder to attend college classes without his parents around to make sure that he gets up on time. He’s asked Jerome to make sure he gets up in the morning and goes to class, but occasionally he goes back to sleep after Jerome wakes him up. Chris tends to study right before a test by staying up all night. He goes out a lot during the week and plays every intramural sport offered. Chris made a 2.2 GPA first semester. He’s surprised he did not do better because he was such a good student in high school.

Reflection Questions

1. Citing information from the case study, identify what emotional intelligence skills are most relevant to this case study.

2. Which student are you more similar to right now? What is your motivation for academic work? If you don’t see yourself as similar to either of these students, where do you see yourself on the continuum from not knowing what you want to study to being absolutely sure what you want to study? Explain.

3. Many college students do not declare a major during their first year of college. In that case, what could students do to ensure that they stay on track and motivated?

CASE STUDY #5: SHARED RESPONSIBILITIES

Keandra was a resident assistant (RA) in a college dorm. The other RA, Ian, had been relying on Keandra to file all of the reports and paperwork instead of the two of them taking turns as they agreed to do at the beginning of the year. The reports have deadlines, and if they are not turned in on time, the RAs could be fired.

Keandra went up to Ian’s room one afternoon and brought up the paperwork issue. Here’s their conversation.

Keandra: “There’s been a lot of paperwork lately. You need to do your part of it.”

Keandra: “Maybe so, but you took the job knowing that was part of what you had to do.”

Ian: “Well, I have a heavier course load than you do. Can’t you just keep doing it this semester?”

Keandra: “I have a heavy load too. We both get paid the same amount, and I’m doing a lot more of the work than you are.”

Ian (in irritated tone): “I don’t have time for this discussion.” Ian walks out of the room.

Reflection Questions

1. What emotional intelligence dimensions are relevant to this interaction? Cite examples from the scenario to support your opinion.

2. What should Keandra do next? What EI skills can she draw on to help her resolve this issue?

3. Compare how you typically handle a situation in which someone is trying to take advantage of you to how Keandra handled this situation.

CASE STUDY #6: A COSTLY DECISION

James was a junior in college with a 3.3 GPA who was taking 12 credit hours for the semester. He missed the first several classes of a one-credit hour course. He emailed the financial aid office to ask whether he would be considered a full-time student if he audited the class instead of taking it for a grade. They responded that audits don’t count toward total hours, so he would be considered a part-time student with just 11 credit hours if he audited the class. James then assumed that if he dropped the class he would lose his financial aid and have to pay for his classes. James knew he could not pay his tuition, so he decided to stay in the class, but he never attended again and did not complete any of the assignments. Nor did he contact the professor.

One day the professor saw James on campus and offered to help him complete the coursework through an independent study. James was on his way to look at the latest iPad when he ran into the professor, so he thanked the professor and asked if he could come by the professor’s office the next day.

The next day James had to work on a major term paper. He was so tired the following day from pulling an all-nighter that he went to sleep as soon as he turned his paper in. One week later he remembered the professor’s offer, but he was sure the professor wouldn’t still let him do an independent study. James never went to talk with the professor, and ultimately he earned an F in the course, which hurt his overall GPA.